At the end......

Why don't you believe me?

Completed half of it

Leslie asked me two question today. First, why does the 50%/50% game have maximium runs of about 9? Second, what is the name of the distribution of an outcome that is unbalanced? I got the answer of the first one, but not the second, actually, I think it is called "asymmetrical distribution", so I have to find that out tonight.

On the other hand, Leslie said if I wannna know more about trading and markets, the answer is from the dices. He said throwing 10K times of three dices and throwing another 10K of two dices, you will see it. Do you believe it? I am not really, so I have to find that out. So, I am going to throwing 10K times of three dices, and, after that, I am going to do another 10K times for 2 dices to see what the difference is and what I can get.

I found it, not anybody else

Today, I threw 3 dices 200 times and threw 2 dices another 200 times. Leslie asked me to compare the result what it is telling me. I found out the amount of getting odd and the one of getting even is similar during throwing 3 dices. But the amount of getting even is a bit larger than the one getting odd during throwing 2 dices. Leslie wanted me to find out why. I thought about it, and called him back said, the reason is the probability of getting even (0.5454) is larger than the probability of getting odd (0.4545). He was surprised I got it faster than he expected. So, he asked me who told me the answer. Actually, I have discussed with Martyn, but no one told me the answer. I told Leslie the fact. He was just angry. He blamed me why I was not doing it myself. I was just disappointed and angry.

I really did it myself, but you don't trust me. You think I am not as smart as boy do. you think I don't wanna find out the reason myself. You think I just follow the instruction without thinking about it. What the hell do you think of? You don't trust me, why you wanna train me. I just can't understand why you give me shit all the time?

Red light is gone, yellow one is flashing.

I forgot to tell Scarlett was fired. Yes, she did yesterday. I was not surprised, since Eliza was fired. I know that Leslie is not patient any more. It shows on his face. No more laughing, no jokes, no stories, no sharing, no nothing. The working atmoshere is changed. That makes me sick. It is the reason I could not control myself last night when I knew that I did something wrong.

I really thought that I will be fired this morning. I could not eat and sleep last night. I left the office at 10:30, and arrived home at 11:30 last night. Having shower, sitting in front of the computer, I could not think. Try to go to sleep at one, and then woke up at five. My brain and my body are tensed. Went back to the office at 7:00. Having meal until 1:00, but I have not felt hungry. Slept for four hours but I am not tired. Working here, no one can relax. You have to be ready for fight every minute that is what I feel.

Putting myself to a dangerous position

Shit! I didn't do my job properly again. I was careless again. I supposed to check the orders of the option trade what Leslie did last night are the same with the brokeage did. But I have not checked it. What was I doing today? I can't tell. Even when Leslie wanted me to look at the Portfolio and asked me where the mistakes are, I can't find it at once. He said that is not professional. I am not working with my heart, and he asked me why. Then, I froze and I was sweating. I even can't remember how I did the work this morning. I just don't know why I just work like an alien every Monday, such as I can't speak english when I walk in at the first moment. I can't concentrate on my work when something happened during the day. Why can't I concentrate on my job, if someone is talking to me. Is it something wrong with my brain?

LISTEN, SHERMEN. DON'T think too much about other non-sense things except my work. BE CONCENTRATE on the job. DON'T dig the hole for myself and damage all my future.

千杯不醉

今日晏晝去左打機，玩左好耐。除左我最鍾意果個賽車game，仲有果個日本警察game，我今日仲去駕大巴，不過好難玩。玩完之後有d頭痛，無法啦，玩左兩個鐘呀。不過最衰就係見到果條茂利玩果個高達game。我一見到就頭暈頭痛啦。
今晚仲去左睇"千杯不醉"。我有時覺得爾冬陞係一個女人黎架。佢d戲真係講中晒d女人架喎。今次佢講左一句我好認同既。佢話："女人就好似細路仔咁，你講既野要算數，承應左就要做。"呢個係事實喎。男人係唔可以是是但但咁同女人講左d野就算，我地女人係好認真架。是但求其唔係我地既style囉。think before you do, man.我唔知套戲講男人講得有幾啱，因為我唔係男人。但如果你地認同既，唔應講比我聽。 丫，我發現左一件大事，我發覺套戲d人講野講得好快，我成日都聽唔晒佢地講既野。

今日聽左stephy solo既"親朋勿友"都幾好聽喎。
"……放手總會有苦衷
所以我沒有激動
不要緊
想得到的多數不能夠相擁
愛未能使你動容
努力原來沒有用
你為人犧牲的精神沒法懂……
……
…要你失去這知己
擁抱也沒有滋味
心會死
喜歡不等於有福和你一起
既是如此好心地
我又為何被隔離
你若然真心怎可能沒轉機
不敢問你"

Where is your confidence?

Do you know I was so angry about what you said? I think you are not the one who is under condifence. You told me you don't have enough chip to play this game. How many chips do you want? "If you don't play, you can't win." Have you heard that before? That's my boss told me, I believe it deeply. Why do you lose your ambition easily? Do you wanna give up? Are you regret?
I really think the boys are "fucking" useless. They never try their best to achieve what they want. If there is another competition, they will give up at once. It is not logical. Nature is not like that. All male animals will fight for what they want. They don't want to be the loser, and they really fight very hard. Why doesn't it happen in human society? It really drives me nuts.
During the competition, you will never think who is the winner. You have to think how to win the game. That's my attitude. Listen! play hard until the end of the game. Just do it.

Scarlett 既第一次

成個禮拜我都覺得Scarlett係一個比較堅強("硬淨"好似仲啱d)既女仔，但唔知係咪真係太過local minded既問題。佢同我初初黎到，唔只我，應該話佢同大多數既女仔，黎到果陣好想表現下自己，佢覺得日日係度擲髀仔唔算係做野。呢d咪係香港人既諗法囉。所謂既有做野，就係老細問你做左d咩既時候可以拎到d好實質既野出黎比老細睇。但我老細係非一般既香港老細黎架嘛，佢係一個鬼佬。佢唔要我地做野有太多既壓力，所以佢唔會比好多壓力我地，但之前係度做野既女仔依然做到好大壓力。仲有d日日返屋企喊，全部都係因為佢地比自己好多壓力，跟本就唔關老細事。老細今日都講啦，佢請trainee係想train一個人，佢梗係suppose你咩都唔識啦，因為佢要由零開始train你嘛。咁你係一個trainee，你又點可能要求自己識好多野，做到好多野呢。但連Scarlett都頂唔順，比老闆娘同老細話郅喊。唉，唔知佢又可以挨幾耐呢。

Martyn 2nd In

今日，Martyn又黎interview啦。邊個Martyn，佢咪係一個係澳洲返黎既香港人囉。呢個香港人完全唔識講廣東話，講英文又好似Marc咁一舊舊，有一個大佢七年既女朋友。佢係黎in programmer架。佢之前都in過架啦，果次老細問佢想唔想做份工，佢淨係識得話份工好interesting，我地夠知啦，咁你想唔想做先得架。想咪話想，唔想咪話唔想囉，九唔搭八。
佢果次nterview就梗係衰左啦。跟住佢就日日打比Marc，話佢真係好想做份工架，叫Marc幫佢安排多一次interview。所以，佢今日又黎過勒。咁聽落，佢都幾有恒心既。

尋日游完水既後遺症出晒黎啦。少少周身骨痛不在話下啦，仲曬到黑炭頭咁呀~變左"賓賓"添~

水上同樂日

今日係我公司既水上同樂日呀。原先今日會有三個新同事，但今朝去到坑口，淨係見到Scarlett。Bertha唔到，佢打比我話佢係醫院呀。O_o" 腸胃炎喎。Queenie又唔見人，呢個簡直就係人間蒸發呀，打比佢又唔聽電話，留voice mail比佢都唔覆。老細好嬲呀，佢話失晒預算。But anyway, we still got Scarlett there, so we had to continue.
所以，我地係country club照樣食早餐，照樣去游水，照樣玩到痴晒線，照樣食晏晝，照樣講笑。好開心咁過一日。游水果陣，Uncle Marc仲好搞笑，佢唔知係咪肥得滯，要佢潛落水底，佢竟然做唔到，個pat pat成日都係水面，成條鯨魚咁。佢仲揹住我游返池邊，佢真係游到成隻海龜咁。佢又明知我唔太識游水，但佢仲要將我拋去d深水既地方，等我自己慢慢游返埋黎。成日都整蠱我。我叫佢係水度打筋斗佢又做唔到喎。淨係笑我唔識游水，咩唔識者，咪游緊囉，人地驚之嘛。

放工果陣，肥仔黎接我收工。我知佢因為我同Michael之間既事唔係好開心，佢開始無自信。但我又覺得，既然你咁唔想失去，點解你唔fight back。come on﹗It's time to fight , man, if I am still important to you.

考慮下~

今朝早同個friend講電話，佢提議左一件事確實係令我好心動既。可惜係呢個moment要我放棄晒我所有既野，我的確係唔可以一下子做到。不過我今日真係不停咁係度諗緊呢件事。最後我諗到啦，我最唔捨得都係我份工。如果我比人炒左，又或者過多幾年，我可以學晒我老細既野既時候，我可能就會即刻say yes﹗不過都係我咁諗者，如果我個friend佢等唔切，咪一樣係無用。呢個世界邊有咁美好架。

我今日去左睇"冬陰功"，我覺得套戲講得d 大象好有靈性，相反d人就好殘忍。為左錢不擇手段，真係可恥。

Andy 返港 (後記)

(八月十二日)

Andy 返左黎香港，佢係我三年前過UK果陣識既friend，即係Trevor係UK既flat-mate。佢放成個月假，所以返黎香港探親聚舊。佢話我無咩點變，我都覺得佢無咩點變，仲係咁溫柔體貼﹑咁識照顧人。

Andy尋晚上左黎我公司搵我，約埋Trevor係中環地鐵站等，跟住就落去銅鑼灣食飯。我地去食越南野，不過，果間餐廳太多人，好嘈，搞到我好頭痛，無晒心機傾計。之後，Andy比左粒頭痛藥我食，先至好返d。因為唔係好肚餓，所以我食左唔係好多野。

食完飯，我地去左打機，當然係打我最愛既賽車Game啦。今日，Trevor教識左我，要甩尾就要入彎扭軚之後踩brake，然後再加油。轉彎果陣要將個軚扭相反方向，until架車直返就要回軚。我成日都調轉左d次序，同埋回軚回得唔好，所以成日轉完彎都"fing"出去。我真係好有心機去聽Trevor講同埋真係有去試佢教我既方法，其實都好左d架啦。不過我會再練多d既。除左賽車之外，我地仲有去玩果部單車Game，我真係出師不利呀，一出閘就脫腳，我唔小心甩腳，跟住成個腳踏就撞左埋去我上五寸下五寸度，嘩，好痛呀。(後尾發現原來佢已經瘀左啦。)打完機，我地去左影貼紙相。點知臨尾部機hang左，我地有得再影多次。佢地兩個係d相度加公仔果陣，簡直就係傻左。玩到唔捨得走，仲畫到d相好搞笑。

原先，打完機Trevor諗住走，點知我同Andy唔夠喉，所以我地提議唱k，Trevor亦都陪埋我地去。一唱就唱到六點啦。真係玩到天光。我跟住仲要返工添呀。係唱k果陣佢地點左首我忘記左一排既歌，我聽到好開心呀，仲令我諗返起d野。

(八月十三日)

唱完k，Trevor頂唔順搭左的士返屋企。Andy就陪我行返中銀。但行到皇后大道東尾條天橋，我都係頂唔順啦，所以都係搭左兩個站"叮叮"返公司。返到公司七點幾，Andy陪左我一陣，我就訓著左，佢幫我set左個alarm八點半響就走左，佢臨走仲話佢會打電話morning call醒我。跟八點半個alarm響，我整熄左佢之後，唔覺意又訓返，十五分鐘之後，Andy就打比我，佢叫我起身，仲話佢知我會再訓返，所以佢遲十五分鐘先打比我，等我可以訓多陣。細心呢！邊個姊妹有興趣，可以出聲喎。我可以介紹佢比你地識架，好野黎架。

Andy收左線之後我都斷斷續續訓多左一陣，跟住九點半度老細殺到黎啦。佢問我除左等果幾張枱之外，仲有咩做？傻架，我本來放假架嘛，無啦啦邊有野做者。所以，佢叫我幫佢計左d margin佢先。都好呀，好過無野做又訓過。計緊margin既時候，d枱送到黎啦，咁d人由佢地係隔離裝枱，我由我計margin。佢地搞掂之後，我搵個亞姐黎吸塵，我又搞掂埋d margin。再跟住幫Marc 訂裝埋兩本booklet。諗住返屋企沖涼去搵肥仔啦。

係等巴士返屋企果陣，諗起US個friend，所以打左個電話比佢。一路傾到返屋企。點知我返到屋企，亞媽話Dell果個sales打比我，話老闆娘比左張期票佢，所以唔可以即日過數，訂唔到機。0_0 唔係咁大整蠱呀，因為即日訂唔到，d機就唔可以星期三送到黎，老細實發老脾都得啦。即刻打比老闆娘，老闆娘就叫我問清楚個sales張票究竟出左咩事。搵鬼搵馬咩，星期六下晝兩點啦，係人都收左工啦。我醒起個sales有fax到張invoice比我地，我唔肯定佢有無寫埋個mobile係上面，但點都要搏一搏。所以，又返左公司睇下有無機啦。點知返到去先發現張invoice咩都無，白行。死啦，都唔知點同老細同老闆娘交代，係呢個時候真係急到喊左出黎。但都要硬住頭皮打比老闆娘，好在佢無再"chur"我。但我都係收左線之後喊左一陣，發洩左一陣咁啦。

跟住就過左深水埗搵肥仔。去到佢問我食左野未，我先醒起我尋晚食左好少野之後，一直都未食過野。算啦，都唔夠訓係咩都反應緩慢d架啦，連肚唔肚餓都唔係好覺。佢同我係黃金兜左個圈搵老翻，搵唔到之後，我地跟返左柴灣勒。

返到柴灣，肥仔同我去食個early dinner，跟住就一齊返我屋企。好囉，有得沖涼囉﹗沖完涼，等亞媽同亞妹食完飯。我同亞媽同肥仔又開始呢個marjong training。真係巴鬼，我三十幾四廿個鐘未訓過覺，仲去打麻雀，唔輸有鬼啦。所以我就係完全無還擊之力既情況下，以一個人一家輸兩家既賽果，輸左比佢地兩個。

我就係咁過左我呢四十個鐘頭勒。

丫，唔記得講樣野添。我唔知係咪攰得滯呢。去櫃員機拎錢果陣，明明係五張一百蚊，數左四張。我覺得部櫃員機呃我錢，所以就打去櫃員機中心同佢理論。點知係我理論緊既時候，肥仔幫我數多次，佢竟然數到有五張喎。今次真係撞鬼勒，好"nor"皮添。不過算啦，櫃員機中心個接線生都見唔到我個樣，又唔知我係乜水，都無咩啫。 : p

走完一個又一個

走完一個又一個。二奶走左唔係好耐，今日又炒左只係做左三日既Daisy。我都話左架啦，喉嚨痛咁少既事就唔返工。同老闆娘傾完電話都仲要唔返黎。今朝一早又唔見人又無電話到，我係老細，我都炒佢啦。真係覺得而家d妹妹仔無咩心機做野。係佢地唔至在，定係我地做野太投入呢。我唔覺得老細有幾難相處，只係有只脾氣大左d。但如果可以試下調轉，我做老細既話，我諗我仲勞氣呀。話唔定我會打人添呀。

有時都覺得幾失望，d人成日都唔覆我電話，真係當我死既咁。好叻咩，有寶呀。我車。

Daisy大煲啦

Daisy大煲啦！今朝搭地鐵返工果陣，收到Daisy既電話喎。佢原來係打黎話比我知佢喉嚨痛想請日假呀。喉嚨痛之喎，咁就唔返工?!老細聽到好嬲呀，老闆娘要我叫Daisy打電話比佢。臨放工同老細傾左一陣電話，佢話聽日Daisy就會有一個big lesson喎。唉，今次慘勒。

我今日臨放工果陣都比老細嚇到喊呀。佢打電話比我，問我今日有d咩day trade，咁我咪話比佢知今日我地淨係long左50張euro囉。跟住佢竟然話比我聽佢係個platform度見到有好多唔知係咩既trade，唔只50張contract咁少。果一下我成個呆左呀。咁多件事我竟煞唔知。唔係喎，咪住先，我係個platform度都見唔到咁多trade。唔係我trade架喎。跟住老細先同我講佢開platform果陣無做reset，可能係咁d舊data仲store左係部電腦度。嘩，想嚇死我咩。

Sandra Email

今日收到鬼婆Sandra既email, 佢返到加拿大啦。仲話遲d再過黎香港，再同我地落老蘭蒲喎。邊有人咁鍾意去飲酒同溝鬼佬架。佢真係好搞鬼，次次去老蘭都係想搵鬼佬，但d鬼佬又"喉"佢。係因為個個鬼佬都想搵chinese girl。所以Sandra咪無行囉。

好多日都無寫過個blogger，係我懶，係我唔得閒，係我唔記得…所以，斷左咁多期囉。

提早同Trevor慶祝

提早同Trevor慶祝佢下個星期六既生日。可惜，得我﹑Trevor同Season三條友仔。唔緊要啦，有得出咪得囉。三條友去左唱k lunch，因為得三個人，所以無咩歌唱過。仲有neway d lunch 好鬼難食。我咪唔揀飲擇食既人都唔食呀，你話佢幾咁難食呀。唱完兩個鐘頭k，去左世貿打機。初頭都係睇佢地兩個打架咋。係之後玩左果部賽車game，(死勒，我都無留意個game叫咩名添，是鬼但啦。)我覺得好好玩喎。架車真係會甩住尾咁入彎，我覺得佢型爆喎。可惜我果日著住對高踭鞋，成日"cake"住個踭，麻鬼煩，激死呀。玩左一次之後，其實我意猶未盡架，不過見佢地好似仲想玩其他野，咪去玩其他囉。玩多一陣，佢地諗住走。行出門口之後︳又話我好唔玩，搞到佢地用唔晒d coins喎。早響丫，我不知幾想繼續玩果個賽車game呀。所以，打後我地就狂煲果個賽車，佢地兩個仲車輪咁同我鬥，不過次次都係我輸既。我都係要practise多d先得啦。

今日係 Interview day

今日係 Interview day。公司一共有四個post：multi-media/graphic designer﹑programmer﹑market anlyst - trainee同埋administrative assistant。真係估都估唔估到，無論d人讀咩科，佢地都係淨係會apply administrative assistant。完全唔明點解。今日我收到好多電話，老闆娘要我用英文同佢地對答，我覺得無咩所謂，仲可以睇下我d英文其他人聽唔聽得明；但打電話黎d人有問題呢，佢地聽到我講英文，口"姪姪"咁講左兩句，好多都"cup"左我線。有冇搞錯呀，拜拜都講聲呀，咁無禮貌架。
所以，我同肥仔講，我以都同佢講英文，我可以練講多d英文時，肥仔又可以聽多d英文，可以放擔對住我講添。

Speed Post vs Registered Post

今朝去左寄老細對鞋去durban，一直都無事。仲係老細屋企聽左佢講好多關於option既野，學左好多野。佢仲話下星期開始，我會幫手一起trade添。
但當我返到去公司，老細打電話比我。問我post果陣點寫個description，"gift!" "ok. how much?" "hk$100" "ok. speed post?" "airmail and registered letter." "are u stupid?" 下? 又做錯咩呀?
本來都開開心心，無啦啦又比人話。聽日死梗都得啦。

今晚做完gym，我同肥仔話"你要努力呀。你要爭氣呀。我唔想你比人睇死呀。"佢問我邊個睇死佢。好老實講，係我公司既所有人，除左我之外。佢地覺得肥仔一定會好似香港其他人咁，唔識享受人生﹑浪費青春﹑唔夠積極﹑無理想﹑無熱誠。我其實想佢地跌眼鏡，肥仔都可以做呢d咁既野。肥仔唔係一般既香港local guy呀。
好感動係，肥仔返到屋企，佢真係send icq 同我講，佢會努力。我真係信佢會。

拜拜，二奶~

拜拜，二奶~今朝返到去，見到老細已經坐左係meeting room，咁就知佢地已經作好決定。佢地要炒二奶啦。我行到入去，老細示意我坐落，佢話比我聽"It's over." Obviously，二奶已經係房度執緊野囉。老闆娘跟住開門係房度行出黎叫我check下d petty cash同問返二奶之前做既野放晒係邊。唉，有時真係覺得呢個世界翻轉豬肚就係X呀。但都係岩既team-mate就係team-mate，其實既人都要防範。當二奶行過黎向我交代返佢既野時，我好細聲問左佢一句"你ok丫嘛？"佢點左下頭就好快交代埋d野﹑然後放埋隻杯入個袋度就拎起個袋走左勒。At that moment，係有d心酸。但走左二奶，我都仲要做架。好快d收拾心情添呀，唔係跟住比人鬧既就係我啦。